When an Unstoppable Force meets an Immovable Object
by ThePhantomScribe
Summary: A battle over the last bottle of Samaurai Shampoo between Yang and Ren can be heard all around campus. The ball-busting blonde bombshell vs. the level-headed lotus, her wisecracking puns vs. his dry humor. Who will win? Well, if you know Superman's answer to the age-old riddle, then you know how it goes! YangxRen! My first crackpairing fic *imo* hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello, ****Phantom here! Not gonna take too much time with my a/n but to tell you that I'm glad I finally got this story outta my head and that this is a oneshot.**

**Warning, thar be puns ahead! Garrr... (O_X) *Le best pirate face I can make* Don't judge me :P**

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><p>"Hey, I saw it first!"<p>

"Not a chance, Xiao Long. You finished yours last week, this one's mine."

"No way! After all the trouble I went through to get it!?~"

"You literally walked in and stole it from our dorm."

"That's right! Stealers keepers, Blossom!~"

"That doesn't even make any sense."

Ren was surprised when he first learned Yang used the same brand of Samurai Shampoo as he, but wasn't as surprised to hear that Nora had been the one to spill the beans of his having an entire semester's supply in his cabinets. After that, his stash had been shrinking steadily until he finally arranged for a sit-down with Beacon's resident hot tamale bombshell. Boundaries were drawn, contracts were writ, and terms were finally set.

Until now. Over the last bottle.

"Well go tell that to your teammates Bubbles and Buttercup, then!"

Jaune facepalms in his dorm as he pauses his game with Pyrrha on the TV screen. He turns with an exasperated expression at his equally miffed partner as the arguing from team RWBY's dorm continues.

"Do you think Yang's talking about you and Nora?"

"I believe so, Jaune," the spartan replies with restrained irritation due to the shouting across the hall, "Nora and I are the only others who use that brand of shampoo."

The knight huffs, "Well I would've let her borrow mine if she asked!"

"Um," the redhead quickly tries to find the right words to phrase her next statement to avoid injuring her partner's underdeveloped self-esteem, "I... don't think Yang uses Johnson's Baby Shampoo anymore, Jaune..."

"B-But," he replies, his bottom lip already quivering, "It's got the No More Tears formula, guaranteed best ever softness..."

"I know, Jaune, I know," Pyrrha replies as she pats her disconcerted partner consolingly on his shoulder, "I think we should go over to help make sure Yang doesn't break any school property again."

"What about Nora?"

The partners stand up and look over at the hammer maiden sprawled out across her bedsheets, snoring loudly. To be fair, it had only been a few hours since they had neutralized the breach in Vale from the Mountain Glen tunnels, and after their bout, Ozpin had given both teams the rest of the day off. Unfortunately, the brawler and the stoic had a very similar post-battle routine: a nice hot shower.

"I think she'll be fine waiting here," she responds with a reassuring grin, "Come on, if we settle this quickly we'll be able to come back and finish our battle against Master Hand!"

The knight's features visibly brighten, "and then we can take on Adventure Mode? I'll be Link and you can be Zelda!"

She grins as she takes him by the hand and they exit their dorm, the partners agreeing to take on Nintendo's greatest bosses as the pairing as old as video gaming itself.

"Always!"

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><p>"Give it back, thief."<p>

"Hey, I got one for ya... what kind of shoes does a thief wear?~"

"..."

Jaune and Pyrrha open team RWBY's door to see Ruby nervously cowering behind Weiss who angrily rubs her own temples at the affair, a very irritated Blake in her bed with a pillow over her head, and finally, Ren and Yang in the middle of the room tugging at the bottle of hair product.

They're also right on time to see the blonde brawler deliver her punchline with a devious grin.

"_Sneakers_."

To this abominable misuse of he spoken language, Ren who surprisingly is sporting nothing but a twitch in his eye and a pink towel around his waist lets go and throws both arms in the air in frustration, the cracks in his stoic persona finally coming through.

"Oh, for the love of Monty Oum!"

"Hah! Sweet lavender-scented victory is MINE!" Yang declares fiendishly with the bottle in her posession.

However, Blake peeks her head out from behind her pillow and stares at the R in team JNPR with narrowed eyes.

"Well _that's_ oddly self-serving, don't you think?"

Most of the students turn to the catgirl with confused expressions while the heiress loudly facepalms. And in that moment, a certain shampoo bottle goes missing from the brawler's grasp who turns to see it back in Ren's posession.

"Hey, give that back!" she exclaims heatedly, literally, a wave of heat coating the room from her anger.

"_No_, so cool off!"

"Hey, I think _everyone_ needs to cool off for a sec, okay?" Jaune tries to interject in an attempt to make peace, the others in the dorm finally noticing him and his red-haired partner at the corner of the room for the first time.

"_Nobody's_ talking to you, Bubbles," Yang quips with narrowed red eyes.

"Since when am _I_ Bubbles!?"

"Um, Jaune... you're blonde," Ren states matter-of-factly at the knight who promptly deadpans in realization but at a heavy cost - the bottle is stolen again, "Hey!"

"Jaune's _right_," Yang continues triumphantly with bottle in her hand once more, "so why don't _you_ make like your team in the corner and cool off, Ren~"

"But corners are ninety degrees..." Ren retorts with narrowed eyes.

Yang stares at him. He stares at her. Ruby gasps silently as she whispers, "The battle of wits has begun..."

"I am so done with you people." Weiss states as she now gets up and leaves the room, slamming the door behind her.

But the outburst changes nothing, the scantily clad stoic's gaze locked with the smug brawler's as the rest of the students' heads turn to each opponent's rebuttal in the following back-and-forth.

"So... you got jokes, eh?" The bombshell blonde begins slowly, "Well ha. ha. You're so _pun_-ny.~ But you're in _my_ territory now, bub."

"I wouldn't be so sure," he counters intensely, "that last one came off a little _blonde_."

"Heh, what can I say? Seven days without a pun can make one _week_."

"You may as well write that one on a paper, because that was just _tear_-able."

"Maybe you just can't handle it. A _groan_ up can take these incredible feats of language in stride."

"Speaking of grown ups in stride... I didn't want to do it, but I'll call Miss Goodwitch right now to whip some sense into you."

Yang shakes her head at the sub-par comeback, her witty riposte at the ready.

"She can't stop me! _The pun is mightier than the sword!~_"

She grins at the glowering stoic as she sees victory within her grasp and a hot shower just around the corner.

"I guess that's _that_ then, Ren. You thought you were the highest card in the deck but today you fell short to the Ace of _Hearts!_" She declares with a dramatic thumb-point to the emblem on her pronounced bust, "_A-C-E!_"

She's about to turn away to enter her bathroom when Ren realizes her fatal mistake and calls out after her.

"Well that sure struck a _chord_."

She freezes in her tracks, the remaining students nervously returning to their meals of fingernails.

"Be careful with those puns, Ren," she replies with warning before turning back to him with a smirk, "or you might get into some real _treble_."

"But you have no _bass_ for such threats," he replies without missing a beat, now having made a full recovery.

"Oh yes there is, these types of puns are _key_ to my humor."

"Doubtlessly _note_-worthy..." he begins decisively before driving the point home, "but I'm calling your bluff."

The pair remain locked in an intense gaze, Yang growling under her breath due to her opponent's perceptive deduction. Ren prepares his final strike.

"And now to _compose_ my masterpiece..."

Suddenly, the students notice several pink streaks between Yang and Ren, who stays mostly in the same position he was in to begin with until they slowly realize two things. One, he has the Samurai Shampoo in one hand.

Second, he has a felt-tip marker in the other.

Yang looks down to see that she has been covered in tattoo-like doodles over every section of exposed skin.

"H-How did you-?"

"Mysterious are the ways of the Lotus," he replies in total serenity as he bows to his opponent. The onlookers approach the startled Yang to inspect the artwork, Pyrrha being the first to make the connection.

"These... Each tattoo is a pun!"

"The nail tat on her arm... it's a _Nail Gun!_" Jaune states with a giggle.

"And that heart on her forearm... _She wears her Heart on her sleeve_," Blake observes correctly with a low chuckle, "heh, good one, Ren."

Ruby finds a drawing on Yang's side that was somehow tucked just under her jacket on her bare midsection, "It's a birdcage drawn just under her rib... _Rib Cage!_ Hah!"

Pyrrha then eyes the most noticeable illustrations scribbled on the fore of her midriff, "A large butterfly... Haha, _Butterflies in your Stomach!_"

"Oh, and there's more..." Ren adds with a low snicker.

Another moment of searching leads to Jaune stuttering at the location of the fifth visual pun, "T-There's an _X_ on your 'heart'!"

Yang gives the blushing Arc a confused look before looking down, and pulling her yellow shoulder-less crop top up to her line of sight finds the X over her emblem... a rather precarious place due to its placement on her body.

"_Cross my heart and hope to die?_" She asks to herself curiously.

"Which I'm sure you will any moment now, because you have just lost." Ren declares with a winning smile.

"Pfft, sure it's clever, but do you really think five doodles wo-" Yang begins nonchalantly but is suddenly interrupted by a wide-eyed Blake.

"O sweet Monty," the raven-haired girl announces as she steps back to take a look at all the work done on the brawler's body at once and connecting the dots, "Yang, Ren has insulted your body by copying onto it five of the tattoos depicted on _Harry Styles!_"

"_Bingo_." the stoic confesses as the catgirl stares at him slack-jawed in awe, "you know, people never realized how many of his tattoos are puns in and of themselves..."

"Ren, you are a genius," Blake begins until-

"_Ren!_" Yang shouts with red eyes and is about to advance on him when he stops her with a point to her top.

"You forgot to check the other one."

And slowly looking down at the exposed part of her other 'Gauntlet', as she'd nickname them to her less-endowed team's chagrin, a light blush tinges her cheeks as she notices a Boo from Super Mario wearing a bee outfit drawn with impressive detail over her supple skin.

Ruby cocks her head with a raised brow before voicing her thoughts.

"A Boo...bee?"

A single moment passes before each and every spectator of the battle of wits in the room suddenly deadpans.

"PFFFTBAHAHAHAHA!" Ruby, Blake, Pyrrha and Jaune burst out simultaneously as they fall to the floor rolling in mirth, each one pointing at the grinning stoic in a unanimous vote for victor of the duel. That is, until Yang recovers...

"Lie Ren... Somebody's going to _die_ today."

And with a yell, she's throwing flaming punches at Ren who merely dodges, ducks or spins under and around each attack effortlessly around the room, the four students cowering in the corner as the brawler fails to make contact with every swing aimed for the towel-clad opponent who literally juggles the shampoo bottle above and around her punches and her grabs for her lost prize.

"You fight like a maimed Ursa," he teases as his fancy footwork gives him ample speed to create enough space between him and his opponent when necessary, "and you kind of smell like one, too."

"_Burn!_" Jaune calls out from the corner.

But of course Ren isn't telling the truth. In reality, Yang's heated outburst is carrying an enticing scent of lavender throughout the room if anything, each swing bringing the subtle hints of flame and flora to the stoic's nostrils. Not that he'd ever tell her that, but it actually helped him relax, making it that much easier to dodge her strikes of blind rage.

Not to mention Yang's decreasing levels of concentration not only due to her dwindling strength but also her increasing awareness of Ren's well-kept physique. Lean muscle tensing and relaxing effortlessly around every blow, the brawler shakes herself out of her stupor and now powers her semblance, eyes turning red with daunting power.

"YAAAH!"

Ren notices and now activates his semblance as well in the nick of time, causing the others to stare in awe as he catches and consecutively deflects a bone-crushing one-two combo with pink pulses of his aura from one hand. And just like against the King Taijitu in Emerald Forest on the day of initiation, he stops her fire-powered uppercut coming at him with full force in midair with an open palm using his aura, all her semblance's force draining out from her in the three punches that should've sent him flying into Vacuo.

Yang finally steps back, completely out of breath in the face of this trained martial artist who doesn't seem to show much fatigue aside from the thin layer of perspiration covering his torso. Which to the flustered brawler only seems to define his features even more. She takes off her jacket, overheated by the brawl, but isn't about to give up now... if only she can stop staring.

'Keep it together, Yang. Do _not_ focus on dem abs!'

"Give... Me... The shampoo..." She slowly tries coming at him again between heavy breaths, and keeping the bottle from her is as easy now as holding it above both their heads.

Reaching up to try and grab it, she forces Ren back against a drawer, and even though she reaches on her tippy-toes, unwittingly pressing her body firmly against his as she leans to grab the product just out of her reach, it's simply too far. But another plan quickly hatches in her mind.

Ren yelps uncharacteristically as he feels a hand grab the hem of his towel. He stares in shock at the blonde brawler in front of him who returns a devilish grin as her grip, unseen by the others, on the loosely-wrapped fabric around his waist tightens menacingly.

"Y-You wouldn't!" He stammers in a hushed whisper.

"Try me." She returns coyly, "Ready to hand me back that bottle, _Renny Bear?_"

At that moment, all he sees are her burning lilac eyes full of powerful resolve yet soothing to look at, her heavy breaths alternating the amount of her pressure on him with every heartbeat pronounced over his chest. Her hair, disheveled even more than usual, damp with perspiration with a few locks clinging to her forehead and reaching down to the corners of her bashful smirk framed by those alluring lip- whoa. Bad, Ren. Use your words.

"Never," he states firmly, his resolve immovable and unwavering despite their proximity and her aura's heat radiating all over him. Strange.

"Oh? Well thennn~" she draws out the last word as they watch each other eye-to-eye, then biting her lip as she raises an eyebrow suggestively. Stay strong, Ren!

"It seems we are at an impasse."

"Mhm..." She continues while nodding her head slowly with an unexpectedly warm smile, "What to dooo~"

Of the four confused students in the corner, Blake's instincts are the first to warn her that something fishy is going on.

"Uhh, Yang-?"

No one knows exactly when it happened, how it happened, or who started it. But it _happened_. One moment, Yang and Ren are locked in a death-stare... the next, Yang's arms are wrapped around the stoic's neck, the pair sharing a rather deep kiss as Yang's warm glowing aura seems to only serve to fuel their encounter.

"Oh my, _Yaaang!_" Ruby calls out in a panic, her shrill piercing call usually getting the brawler's attention but in this case doing nothing to stop the hormonal teens as Ren now drops the bottle and embraces her unstoppable sister in their display of affection.

"What. The..." Blake begins in disbelief before turning to see Jaune and Pyrrha each white as sheets, "What's wrong, you guys?"

Ruby and Blake's faces turn a similar shade of white as the Arkos partners respond in unison.

"WHAT'LL HAPPEN WHEN NORA FINDS OUT!?"

And in a cruel, cruel twist of fate, at that very moment the door to team RWBY's dorm swings open.

_FIN_

...

_What happens when an Unstoppable Force meets an Immovable Object?_

_They surrender._

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><p><strong>To Love!<strong>

**A/N: Ahaha that was fun :D I hope you guys liked it, first time doing what I figure counts as a crackpairing and still a newbie at writing humor/romance stuffs. Please review if you can, I'm always looking for ways to improve even if it's tough love.**

**Anyways, thanks for reading and all that jazz!**


	2. EMERGENCY AT ROOSTERTEETH

**_EMERGENCY AT ROOSTERTEETH, PLEASE READ!_**

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><p><em>Hello, I'd like to apologize beforehand that this is not the next chapter to this fic, but as some of you may or may not know, there has been a very unfortunate development at RoosterTeeth.<em>

_The lead animator and co-creator of many of RT's shows like RWBY, Monty Oum, has fallen very ill and is currently in critical condition. According to RT co-CEO Burnie Burns, "it is unknown if he'll be able to make a recovery."_

_If you have a moment, please visit the main RT site and follow the new post to the link to lend a hand with the medical costs to him and his family, or at the very least, let's provide some much needed encouragement from FFnet with heartfelt words. We're all terribly sorry to hear of his situation and as an entire community, let's show him our support in every way we can!_

_I'll be leaving this chapter up in all my fics until further notice/news from RT HQ._

_Thank you all for reading_

_**-TPS** _


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